Many of us do not realize that our first 'school' is our home, our first 'teachers, our parents. It has been proven that, from the time we are in our mother's womb, we experience everything she does. Think of it as if there was a little recorder inside our brains, subconsciously recording all that is experienced by Mom.
If Mom is anxious, nervous, or was abused while pregnant with us, we will probably be colicky and exhibit anxiety even as a baby. On the other hand, if Mom has a tranquil, joyful pregnancy, then we, most likely, will be a calm, happy baby.
That little recorder that began recording while you were still in the womb continued to record experiences throughout your childhood. It is through our early childhood experiences in the home that our self-esteem is formed. It is here that we become secure and self-confident. Self-esteem, security, and self-confidence, which are the basis to be emotionally and mentally healthy, are fashioned by the positive messages, verbal and non-verbal, that we receive from our parents, siblings, and family.
Should our early childhood experiences have been the opposite, that we received negative verbal and non-verbal messages, we will grow to develop self-esteem issues, insecurities, and lack self-confidence.
Our parents, and their relationship behaviors, become our most influential role models for our own relationships. How our parents managed their anger, communicated, related to each other, showed affection, handled conflict, resolved problems, disciplined us, and dealt with the ups and downs of life, were all absorbed by us. If your parents had a healthy marriage, and were healthy parent figures, all the better for you. And if they were less than ideal as loving role models, you may have some work to do in order to avoid repeating their mistakes.
How do these early childhood experiences affect our adult personalities? Since we are generally unaware of the workings of that internal recorder, when we find ourselves in difficult, stressful situations, the rewind and play buttons get pushed, and out comes Mom! However Mom would have handled the situation we find ourselves in, we probably will do the same. And possibly get the same, disastrous results.
If this form of programmed behavior is causing us to lose relationships, to be unable to relate to our partner, to cause more harm than good, there is hope! That's because it is possible to re-record new messages over the old negative messages. This is achieved through a multi-step process working with your therapist. Even if your childhood experiences were unpleasant, the process is positive and can lead to joyful self-discovery. As you replace negative patterns with positive ones, you can learn to be a healthy relationship partner.
Seeking professional guidance can be the first step to a new healthier you. It is never too late, one is never too old, to learn how to change one's thinking, in order to obtain the partner, the relationship that will be loving and lasting.
If the moment has arrived where you have decided to take action and begin the process that can change your life, I invite you to send me a message or call now: 626 571-0077. I will get back to you promptly.